Family’s Role in Student’s Development
As an educator, there’s nothing more that I value than the success of my students. As a tutor, I get the unique privilege of having much more personal connections with my students compared to traditional teachers. While I say that, I must acknowledge that this privilege is both a blessing and a curse because, on one hand, yes, I get to know them on a much deeper level and truly understand what drives them and the beautiful dreams and ambitions they hold, but on the other hand, I also discover what holds them back and the struggles they have to carry with them for the rest of their lives. Over the eight years I’ve been working with high school students, I’ve come to find that the majority of my students struggling academically are rarely failing due to a lack of ability. Rather, the shortcomings are more often than not attributed to something that isn’t even a part of school – their family and personal life.
Before I get on with the main talking points, I want to share this Ted Talk by Kandice Sumner. I watched this video back in 2017 when I started my education journey, and it’s one of the biggest reasons why I became so invested in the sociology aspect of students and their educational careers. In this video, she discusses her personal experiences growing up while going to a “privileged” predominantly white school, and juxtaposes it with her current school’s underprivileged predominantly colored school. In doing so, she exposes the “achievement gap” for what it really is.
Let’s talk for a second about why this discovery matters. For starters, my local community is low-income with a high minority density. For a community like mine, issues at home are far from uncommon. Many of my students are Hispanic, and with that come certain expectations. Some of these expectations are as follows:
Family Support Obligations: Hispanic families are very interconnected and push members of the family to support each other and provide what they can. This includes working from a young age to help satisfy financial need, and sometimes this includes sacrificing time at school, or school altogether, to provide sufficient resources (Kao et al., 2007).
Cultural Integrity: Similar to the support obligations, there’s a barrier that sometimes makes it difficult for students to break free from the cycle and that is due to the cultural significance in Hispanic communities. Since Hispanic families are so tight-knit and we typically know all of our tíos and tías, us breaking free and diverging from expected trajectories can sometimes bring shame from extended family towards everyone in our immediate family (Kao et al., 2007).
Language Barriers: It’s hard to imagine children growing up in America without much English-speaking capability, but I can tell you from experience that they’re much more common than one would expect. These students struggle significantly because of the lack of resources they have in schools and because their family usually also won’t know English. This makes it very difficult for parents to understand the opportunities and setbacks in their child’s life (Kao et al., 2007).
High Educational Expectations: I know I said that sometimes students are expected to drop school as a priority to focus on providing for their family, but another big emphasis is quite the opposite. Many immigrant parents bring up the sacrifices they made to give their children this opportunity and insist they work extra hard to achieve their academic goals. I’m one of those children. I remember the shame I’d feel bringing home disappointing grades to my mother. Unfortunately, because of the cultural differences and the lack of awareness, they don’t understand how insane the goals they’re setting are. This is something I really want to touch on later because it’s such a huge point that needs its own blog post (so stay subscribed!)
For my students, these are everyday occurrences that mean little to them because that’s just what they expect. This is their ordinary, but for an outsider looking in, this can be a devastating and heartbreaking discovery. So what’s the point of all these tragic revelations? Well, as an educator, I’ve always believed that education and information are the most powerful tools in making drastic changes in the world. With that being said, this first blog is going to be a crucial stepping stone towards understanding the difference we can make simply by understanding how family dynamics can significantly impact a student’s ability and desire to succeed and break free from the chains that tether them. To do this, we are going to focus on two sociological theories of love and attachments: The Attachment Theory of Love and the Family Systems Theory.
Attachment Theory of Love
This theory offers a robust framework for understanding how early familial bonds and attachment styles influence individuals' later social interactions and relationships, including their academic engagement and performance (Esguerra, 2023). The insights about the differential returns to social capital for immigrant and minority students can be interpreted through the lens of attachment styles, thus considering how secure versus insecure attachments impact students' ability to leverage social resources for educational success.
The Attachment Theory of Love, rooted in psychological research by John Bowlby (Bowlby, 1969/1980) and later expanded by Mary Ainsworth (Ainsworth et al., 1978), posits that the emotional bonds formed between infants and their primary caregivers have profound impacts on their future romantic relationships (Beckeset al., 2023). According to this theory, early experiences of attachment influence one’s expectations for love, closeness, and security in adult relationships. It categorizes individual attachment styles into secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant, each reflecting varying degrees of comfort with intimacy and dependency based on early caregiving experiences. Securely attached individuals tend to have healthier, more fulfilling relationships, as they are comfortable with intimacy and independence. In contrast, those with insecure attachment styles may experience challenges in forming stable and satisfying romantic bonds, often due to unresolved fears and anxieties originating from their childhood.
Of the four different types of attachment styles, anxious-preoccupied is the most common type I come across with my students. Secure and dismissive-avoidant are my two follow-ups, and fearful-avoidant is the most rare.
Continuing with the narrative from the Attachment Theory of Love, let's delve deeper into how these attachment styles manifest in the academic and personal lives of students, especially in the context of a high-minority, low-income community.
Case Studies: Attachment Styles in Action
Note: While these are real examples from real students of mine, names have been changed for their privacy.
Maria: An Anxious-Preoccupied Story
Photo by Daiyaan Philander
Maria, a 16-year-old student, is an example of the anxious-preoccupied attachment style. Her parents both work long hours to support their family and often leave her in under the care of her older siblings. Craving attention and validation, Maria struggles with her self-esteem and constantly seeks approval from her teachers and peers. This attachment style impacts her academic performance as she is hyper-focused on pleasing her teachers to the point where she experiences severe anxiety over tests and assignments, fearing that anything less than perfect will disappoint those she looks to for validation.
While I have little doubt we’ve all had that student who says they have terrible grades and then pulls out straight B’s, Maria’s case is different. Severe anxiety means just that, a debilitating state of mind where she is completely unable to progress mentally, and sometimes physically, because of the stress from her academics. Fortunately, while this is my most common type of student, they are rarely at this stage of severity. For the most part, these students will stress about their grades, but they are able to persevere through the “disappointing grades” and continue their educational journey.
Eduardo: The Secure Anchor
Photo by Kateryna
Eduardo's story, in contrast, showcases a secure attachment style. His parents maintained a solid and balanced approach to parenting, offering both support and independence. They encouraged him to explore his interests and were always there to provide help when needed. This secure foundation allowed Eduardo to approach academic challenges with confidence and resilience. He views setbacks as opportunities for growth rather than as reflections of his self-worth.
In my experience, students like Eduardo are not too rare, but I do find that they tend to find themselves in friend groups with other secure-style students. While they do great at lifting each other up, they often fail to understand the foundational struggles that insecure-type students face, and in turn make it harder for them to provide the understanding and validation that those students are generally looking for.
Luis: Navigating Dismissive-Avoidant Tendencies
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Luis embodies the dismissive-avoidant attachment style. He comes from a family where expressing emotion was taboo and seen as weak. Luis learned to keep his struggles to himself. He projects an image of self-sufficiency, so much so that it is often to his detriment. While Luis performs well academically, he rarely seeks help or engages meaningfully with his peers or teachers (which is the entire point of our program), missing out on the social aspect of learning and the benefits of collaborative study.
Students like Luis are not as common as the previous two, but I have had quite a few in the past 8 years working at my high school. These students take great effort and a whole lot of time to break down that wall, convincing them to open up and ask for help. I have a couple of letters from students like Luis sitting in a box that holds all the gifts students have given me through the years, and they almost always say how I was one of the most important figures in their lives because I was the one who finally showed them how to break free from the chains of self-isolation. Those letters are what motivate me whenever I get a Luis that’s extra hard to get a laugh out of.
Ana: The Fearful-Avoidant Enigma
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Ana's story is an example of the ever-elusive fearful-avoidant attachment style. Having experienced, a sometimes dramatic, inconsistency in care and affection from her family, she demonstrates a mix of desire for close relationships and an intense fear of getting hurt. This internal conflict spills over into her school life, where Ana is known to oscillate between periods of high engagement and withdrawal. Teachers find her unpredictable, not realizing the turmoil that drives her behavior.
It’s students like Ana that make being an educator particularly challenging for a variety of reasons, but especially in the way that they almost ask for help only to consistently relapse out of their own fear and the instability in their lives. I’ve only had a small handful of Ana’s throughout my career, and by small, I mean less than 10. These students have been extremely difficult to work with because of their inconsistency, but they have also been the most important breakthroughs because of the significant improvements that they find in their lives when they can finally break free from the burdens they hold.
Connecting Theory to Practice: Implications for Educators
These stories highlight the profound influence of attachment styles on students' academic and social behaviors. As educators, recognizing the signs of each attachment style can guide our approach to teaching and mentoring. For instance, students like Maria may benefit from structured support that validates their efforts without tying approval to perfection (Steinberg et al. l, 1992). For students like Eduardo, fostering their independence while providing a safety net can encourage them to take intellectual risks.
For those resembling Luis, creating opportunities for positive social interactions within the academic setting can gently coax them out of their shells, showing them the value of collaboration and emotional sharing (Steinberg et al., 1992). Meanwhile, students like Ana require a delicate balance of encouragement and space, allowing them to navigate their fears at their own pace while knowing support is available when they're ready to reach out.
Bridging Attachment and Family Dynamics: The Insight of Family Systems Theory
A quick explanation of the Family Systems theory to prep you for the next section, free of charge, of course.
While the Attachment Theory of Love offers invaluable insights into individual relationships and behaviors, the Family Systems Theory (Minuchin, 1974) expands our understanding by viewing the family as an interconnected and dynamic system. This theory underscores that an individual's behavior is not only a product of personal experiences but also a reflection of the family's collective dynamics. Each family member plays a role in maintaining or disrupting the family's equilibrium, influencing how they interact outside the family, including in academic environments (Inman-Amos et al., 1994).
The case studies of Maria, Eduardo, Luis, and Ana show us not only the impact of individual attachment styles but also hint at the underlying family dynamics at play. For instance, Maria's anxious-preoccupied attachment style and her craving for validation may also reflect a family system where emotional availability and support are inconsistent, affecting all members' interactions (The Bowen Center). Eduardo's secure attachment suggests a balanced family system that effectively supports individual growth while maintaining a cohesive unit (Inman-Amoset al., 1994).
Luis's dismissive-avoidant style points to a family system that may prioritize independence and self-reliance over emotional expression, potentially limiting the depth of family connections (The Bowen Center). Meanwhile, Ana's fearful-avoidant behavior could hint at a family system marked by unpredictability and mixed messages about closeness and autonomy.
Implications for Educators: Integrating Family Systems Perspective
Understanding the Family Systems Theory alongside Attachment Theory enables educators to appreciate the complexity of students' backgrounds and how family dynamics play a crucial role in shaping their approach to learning and social interactions. This perspective encourages educators to:
- Consider the broader family context when addressing students' academic and emotional needs.
- Foster an educational environment that acknowledges and supports diverse family structures and dynamics.
- Engage with students in a manner that considers their family system's influence, offering tailored support that recognizes the interconnectedness of their experiences.
By adopting a holistic view that combines individual attachment styles with family dynamics, educators can better address the multifaceted needs of students, particularly those from high-minority, low-income communities. This approach not only enhances academic support but also contributes to students' overall well-being and resilience.
The Role of Attachment in Educational Success
Photo by Monkey Business
Ultimately, it's clear that understanding attachment theory and its implications can provide educators and mentors with a powerful tool for supporting student success. By fostering an environment that recognizes and accommodates the diverse attachment needs of our students, we can create a more inclusive and effective educational experience. This approach not only aids in academic achievement but also in the holistic development of young individuals, preparing them to navigate the complexities of social relationships and personal challenges (Steinberg et al., 1992).
As we continue to explore the intersections of sociological theories and education, it's essential to remember the individual stories behind each student. These narratives, grounded in theories like the Attachment Theory of Love and Family Systems Theory, remind us of the profound impact we can have by simply understanding and responding to the unique needs of those we aim to teach and guide.
Stay tuned for the next post, where we'll delve into Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love and its implications for fostering a supportive educational environment, as well as some other very interesting family sociological theories. Until then, let's commit to being educators who not only teach but also listen, understand, and empower.
References
Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. N. (2015). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Psychology Press.
Beckes, L., & Simpson, J. A. (2023, December 22). Attachment theory. Encyclopedia Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/science/attachment-theory
Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss (No. 79). Random House.
Esguerra, T. (2023). Module 3: Lecture: Attachment Theory [Module 3]. Canvas. https://canvas.fullerton.edu
Esguerra, T. (2023). Module 7: Family Systems Theory [Module 7]. Canvas. https://canvas.fullerton.edu
Inman-Amos, J., Hendrick, S. S., & Hendrick, C. (1994). Love attitudes: Similarities between parents and between parents and children. Family Relations, 43(4), 456-461.
Kao, G., & Rutherford, L. T. (2007). Does social capital still matter? Immigrant minority disadvantage in school-specific social capital and its effects on academic achievement. Sociological Perspectives, 50(1), 27-52.
Steinberg, L., Lamborn, S. D., Dornbusch, S. M., & Darling, N. (1992). Impact of parenting practices on adolescent achievement: Authoritative parenting, school involvement, and encouragement to succeed. Child Development, 63(5), 1266–1281. https://doi.org/10.2307/1131532
The Bowen Center. (n.d.). Introduction to the eight concepts. The Bowen Center. Retrieved July 3, 2024, from https://thebowencenter.org/introduction-eight-concepts.
